Helping
by SassyAngel05
Summary: B/S, of course. It's my first Buffy fic. Spike is back in his crypt, Dawn visits and decides she needs to help him. The Scoobies all try, but only one can really help.


Author: Vona Title: Help Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, wish I owned Spike. Joss Whedon owns them. Pairing: B/S Summary: Spike is back in his crypt at Buffy's insistence. Dawn and the others try to help him, but only one can. Feedback: This is my first Buffy fan fic. Please be kind. Rating: G  
  
Help  
  
Spike buried his face in his hands. Buffy had made him move from the school basement, claiming it wasn't good for him to be living over the Hellmouth. He was back at his crypt, but it brought back so many memories, some bad, some not so bad. But mostly bad. He hated his soul. He wanted to die. He wanted to die more than anything in his unlife. He deserved to die. Buffy had taken all his stakes and weaponry. "She didn't want him to endanger himself," she said. She was worried about him, she pitied him. He could see it in her emerald eyes. She felt sorry for him. The platelet hated him with a passion and with good reason. Spike had hurt Buffy and Dawn adored Buffy. He had betrayed Dawn's trust and Buffy's trust. A voice inside his head murmured quietly, "That's what they get for trusting a bloody vampire." Spike dropped his cup of blood and it splattered on the floor. He stared at the designs forming on the cement. He wandered back into his thoughts. The Scoobies hated him, except for the Wicca. But she had turned evil once already. She was still redeeming herself. Xander and he had never gotten along, but the deep dislike had turn to intense hate. Giles didn't trust him, he was practically Buffy's father. Giles didn't know exactly what happened, but he knew it was bad. When Buffy and the others had more or less turned on him, he did the same. Solidarity, right? He had gone to Africa for Buffy. To get his soul. He had been positive that having a soul would make him seem alive and cause Buffy to love him. But instead he was living in this bloody nightmare with a bloody conscience. The memories he used to relish in now caused him so much pain. He deserved pain, though. What goes around, comes around, that's what they say. Buffy still didn't love him and he was left being this shell of the vampire he once was. He broke down and cried often. He hated that. He couldn't fight. He couldn't even understand what he was hearing inside his head, what was real and what wasn't. It was almost like having multiple personalities. Except the usual bite-my-butt Spike was gone. Disappeared into thin air, Spike let out a low, frustrated growl. He stared at the curtained window. Sunlight peeked in around the windowsill. Spike hadn't been able to sleep since he got his soul. He laid back in his sarcophogas and stared up at the ceiling. He didn't even want to watch Passions, even. All of a sudden, Theresa's whines and Rebecca's schemes didn't appeal to him. He didn't know how to fix this. "I bloody well can't keep talking to myself. I can't just sit around here all day and night. I have to go do something good. No! I can't! I'm not good. He's evil. He hurt the girl." He continued his debate with himself. He didn't even here anyone come in. "Spike?" "Niblet. Oh, I'm so sorry. Spike's been a very bad boy. Go away!" Dawn glanced around. She saw the blood on the floor. "Spike!" "It's just pig's blood." Dawn went into his 'bathroom' and got a towel. She cleaned up the sticky liquid and threw the towel away. She hugged Spike. "Buffy told me you had gone nutso because you had a soul. Do you?" "Oh, Buffy. Pain. All of you in pain. My fault. All my fault." Dawn studied him. Spike's features were twisted in pain. Not physical, emotional. "Do you want to talk to me, Spike?" "No. You shouldn't hear it. Bad stuff." Dawn hugged him again. "You can tell me." "Forgive me, L'il Bit. Please." "Okay, Spike. I do forgive you." Spike smiled an odd smile. It wasn't his smirk, his know-it-all taunting smile. It was just a smile twinged by genuine sadness. "Spike, come back to us. We miss you." "You have to leave." "Spike." "Evil is here. You aren't allowed to be here. You must leave." Dawn looked at Spike with worry in her eyes. "Okay. I'll go get permission to be here." "Entrance denied, allowance gone. You have to leave. Goodbye." Spike turned away and Dawn nodded. She opened the door. "I'll come back, Spike. I'll bring Buffy with me." Spike picked up a plate and threw it at a wall. "No! She shouldn't have to see me. Don't come back!" Dawn jumped at his outburst. She shut the door and leaned against it. Spike's incoherent mumbling could be heard from the outside. Dawn broke into a run through the cemetary.  
  
Willow was at Xander's apartrment. Xander listened as Willow informed him about England. She was healing slowly from Tara's death and her fall to evil. Anya was in the kitchen, baking muffins. Dawn burst in the door. She was slightly out of breath. She had run from Spike's crypt to the apartment. Xander jumped up. "Dawnie, what is it?" "Spike's totally lost it." "Did he try to hurt you?" "No. He...he's just lost it." "More so that usual?" Xander questioned. That received a glare from all three women. "Fine, I'm sorry." Xander apologized. Dawn continued, "I went to visit. He had spilled blood everywhere. He looked so sad. I forgave him and then he told me I had to leave. I told him I would bring Buffy back with me and he really flipped out. He said Buffy shouldn't have to see him ever again. He started to throw stuff at the wall. I'm worried about him." Willow wrapped her arms around Dawn. "I know, Dawnie. But we'll help Spike. I promise." "We?" "Xander!" "Right. We." "What can we do?" Dawn asked. "I'll go talk to him. See if I can assess his situation." "Is that a good idea, Will?" "Yes." "Okay." Anya shook her head and supplied, "It's simple. Spike has soul. Spike can't live with soul. Spike feels guilty for people he killed." Xander's mouth dropped open. "Spike has a soul?" The three girls turned to him. A mixture of duh, yeah, and where have you been rang through the air. Xander ducked his head. "Sorry. So psycho Spike..." Another glare. Xander sighed and threw his hands up in the air in mock surrender, "Shutting up now." "I'd still like to talk to Spike first." "He's wide awake." "During the day?" "Yep." "He must really feel awful." "Probably can't close his eyes for all the sounds and images of his last 120 plus years." Willow looked at Anya. "You know a lot about this." "Hello, I am a vengeance demon. Sometimes I have nightmares, too. It doesn't happen often. Spike probably has nightmares all the time." "Huh." Dawn shook her head. "I wish I could help him." "We will. I'm going to go now." Dawn smiled. "Thanks, Willow." "No problem. I'm glad I can help again." Willow left the apartment for her trip to visit Spike.  
  
Willow knocked lightly on the heavy crypt door. A couple of people at a site glanced at her like she was nuts. She smiled timidly, then called out, "Spike, it's Willow. I'm coming inside." Willow pushed open the door. She searched the room for Spike. He was curled up in a corner, his black duster draped over him. He appeared to be sleeping. Willow approached him quietly. "Hey, Red." He hadn't even opened his eyes. "How'd you..." "I have a soul, Red, I haven't lost my senses." "Ah." "Don't try to to pacify me, Wicca." "I'm..." "Not. I know." Willow sat down next to him. "I thought you were asleep." "Can't sleep. Haven't been able to since I got this bloody thing." "Anya told me you were seeing your victims." "So innocent. Walk down the street and boom, here I pop out, killing them. How are you, Lady Red? Coming back from your fall from grace?" "Spike." "You're here to talk about me. You'd be a better counsilor then the Slayer. She has to much sass to guide people. But she's beautiful." "Spike." "Beauty is a strange thing. Men are captivated by it, women strive for it. Men can go into ruins from a smile given to them by a pretty girl. Look at me. I was fine until the bloody Slayer showed up. I wish she would just kill me already. Instead, I'm here to soak in my misery. From the pain I caused. I am evil. I bring ruin to those with me. You should go now, Red." "I can't Spike. I want to help you." "Danger follows me. She'll never forgive me. She shouldn't. You have to go." "No, I don't. I am staying here." Spike growled. "OUT! THIS IS MY CRYPT!" Willow flinched visibly. Spike softened, "Lady Red, I'm sorry." Willow nodded. He requested, his voice full of anguish, "Just go." Willow did as she was told, leaving an ashamed and torn Spike behind.  
  
Willow sulked back into the apartment. Dawn was stretched out on the floor staring up at the tv. Xander saw Willow's fallen face. "He's worse than I thought. He wants to be staked." "I'll do it!" "XANDER! "I thought you were taking volunteers." "I don't know how to help him. Anya, what do you suggest? He reacts terribly when someone mentions Buffy. He doesn't seem to think she could forgive him. He blames himself for everything that has happened to her." "Maybe he should blame himself. He's the cause of a lot of problems in Sunnydale." Xander commented. "Xander should go visit him." Anya continued. "Xander?" "Spike mumbles and wallows in self pity. Tough love is in order." "I hate Spike." "Exactly. He needs to be on guard. Maybe bickering with you will bring the Spike we miss and love back." "I can't believe I'm doing this." Willow grinned and pushed him out the door.  
  
Xander bust inside the crypt. "Did the Niblet send you, too?" Spike called out before Xander even saw him. "No. Willow did." "Should have known. They do know we hate each other, right?" "Well aware." "They must be running out of ideas. Let's save time. You can go now." "I don't know why they care. You seem fine to me." As he said that, Spike fell down off the bar he was hanging from. "No! Get away from her. You cannot hurt her. I won't let you." Xander took a step back. He glanced at a tormented Spike. "Whoa." "Leave! AWAY!" Spike began to pace rapidly. Xander sighed. "You know you have to see her again someday." "Shut your mouth, whelp." Xander shook his head. "Get over it, Spike." "I'm not Spike! Spike is evil!" "You are Spike. You will always be Spike. Don't you get that?" Spike punched Xander and then he pulled back in pain from the chip. He pushed Xander away, nearly throwing him out the door. Xander's mouth dropped open and he began his journey back to the apartment.  
  
"He's nuts." Xander announced when he walked in the door. Anya rolled her eyes, "What gave you the first clue? Us saying he lost it?!" "I thought you were just exaggerating." Dawn solemnly shook her head. "What now?" She asked. Willow looked outside. The sun was setting. "The only thing I think that will be able to help him. Buffy. He needs to know she's there to help him, that's she still needs him." Xander disagreed immediately. "Do you even know what he did, Will, or were you to busy avenging Tara's death and trying to end the world?" Willow felt her eyes well up. "Low blow." She turned on her heel and left the apartment. At the exact same time, Anya and Dawn slapped him. "Ow." Dawn followed Willow outside.  
  
Buffy was on her usual patrol. She listened for every noise, trying to assess what each sound meant. She could feel someone come up behind her. A vamp. She prepared to fight. The vampire had a knife in one hand. He slashed her across the stomach several times, stabbing her. Buffy doubled over. She reached the stake up and staked him into dust and felt it rush over her. She fell, the stab wound hurt to bad. She glanced up at the stars, trying to decipher what she should do. She knew she wasn't far from Spike's grave. She began to crawl to the steps and cried out, but her voice was much quieter than she had intended. "Spike!" He opened the door. "Buffy!" He ran and picked her up. He carried her inside and placed her carefully in his sarcophogus. "Not exactly the most comforting place you've chosen." Buffy smiled at her joke. Spike looked down. "Stupid! Stupid! Not helping. Still evil." He put his hands over his ears. "Spike, I need you to help me." "Blood. Lots of blood." "Yes, I need you to stop the bleeding. Please. I need your help." "Spike's help." "Your help." He paced. "STOP IT!" He yelled. "Spike. Please. Come out of this!" "Pet, I don't know how." "Focus on me." He turned his blue eyes and looked intently at her. "Focus." He whispered. "Yes." "Bandages. Where are the bandages? Um..." Spike was rather jumpy. "Look in the cabinet, Spike." "Cabinet. Right." Spike walked over the the shelf and opened the door. He pulled out the white cloth and went back to Buffy. "Blood. All I can smell is blood. No! I won't let you hurt the girl. Stay away from her." Buffy lifted her hand up and stroked Spike's cheek. He stared into her emerald eyes, his own icy blue looked at her with so much turmoil. "I won't let them hurt you anymore." "I know you won't. Please, help me." Spike knelt beside her and lifted her up gently. He tried to clean her wound, but wasn't sure how. "You should go to a hospital." "And say what? A vampire stabbed me? I'll be locked up in an insane asylum." Spike cracked a smile. He wrapped the bandages around her waist. Buffy closed her eyes. Spike covered her up and watched his Slayer sleep, hardly even hearing the voices.  
  
Dawn found Willow at Tara's grave. She was crying. Dawn sat next to Willow. "I miss her, too." She wrapped a comforting arm around her friend. "I thought I was passed all this, Dawnie. Here I am, balling my eyes out." "It's okay. Did you ever let yourself cry, Wills? I mean you kind of went crazy, but you didn't mourn." Willow nodded. "I'm sorry for everything." "You're fine. Xander's a jerk. He'll apologize when he realizes it." "He shouldn't have to. He was right. And don't try to make me feel better." Dawn laid her head on Willow's shoulder and they stared at Tara's gravestone.  
  
Buffy woke up in total darkness. She felt slightly disoriented and was accutely aware of a sharp pain in her side. She glanced around the room and sighed. This was Spike's place. He was in a chair next to her, fast asleep. She studied him. He looked like a little boy when he slept, so innocent. It was unusual for a vampire to look innocent. He was snoring lightly and that caused Buffy to giggle. Spike opened one eye. "Are you laughing at me, Luv?" Buffy nodded. "How are you feelin'?" "It hurts a little, but I'll heal in a couple days. Slayer strength." Spike nodded. Buffy leaned up and groaned. Spike jumped to his feet. "I'm fine. I'm fine." Spike watched her worriedly. "How are you, Spike?" "Um...I'm not 'earin' the voices as much." "That's good." "Spike is gone now." "Oh? Who are you?" "I'm...I'm good Spike. Not bad Spike." "You're two different people." Spike shrugged. "I won't let him hurt anyone anymore. With all my power, I'll stop 'im." "I trust that you can." "You shouldn't trust me." "Why not?" "I don't deserve it." "You have to trust someone you love. It's practically required." Spike stared at his curtained window. An understanding suddenly spread over him. "You...love me?" Buffy agreed. Spike gasped. "Why?" "Because I need you. Because you need me." "I don't need anyone." Buffy smiled. "All right." Spike faced Buffy. "I love you, Pet. I never wanted to 'arm you. I just wanted you to know I wanted you." "We'll get past this, I promise." Spike sat next to Buffy. He slowly placed his hand out, hoping she wouldn't shy away. Instead, she leaned closer to him. Buffy and Spike's lips met in a passionate kiss. Spike's arms went around Buffy's waist and she put one hand around his neck, the other in his soft brownish hair. Spike lost himself in the kiss and not a single scream was heard in his head. He felt healed. He knew he wasn't, but this was amazing. Buffy was here, in his arms, and she was kissing him, not playing kick-the-Spike. He liked it. He really liked it. Buffy pulled away gently. She tilted her head. Spike smiled. "So..." "So..." They leaned forward and kissed once more. 


End file.
